Jan 10, 2010 Posted by ccline on Jan 10, 2010 in America, Bible, Christian, Humor | 0 comments

Some Bible Humor

Question: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Answer: Noah — he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Question: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Answer: Pharaoh’s daughter — she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little profit (oops, that should read “prophet”).

Question: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
Answer: Ruth-less.

 

Question: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
Answer: Nebuchadnezzar — he was on grass for seven years.

Question: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
Answer: Yahweh drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Question: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Answer: Samson — he brought the house down (Judges 16:30).

Question: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
Answer: In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Question: What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
Answer: They really raised Cain.

Question: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Answer: “Your mother ate us out of house and home” (Genesis 3:6).

Question: The ark was built in 3 stories. The top one had a window to let in light. How did the bottom two stories get light?
Answer: They used floodlights.

Question: Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: David — he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Question: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
Answer: The thought had never entered his head before.

Question: If Goliath would come back to life today, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
Answer: No, he already fell for it once.

Question: What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Answer: Turn right and go straight.

Question: Which of Yahweh’s servants was the Bible’s most flagrant lawbreaker?
Answer: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Question: Which area of the Promised Land was especially wealthy?
Answer: The area around the Jordan where the banks kept overflowing.

Question: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
Answer: Because Job 16:12 says: “I was at ease, but he hath broken me asunder: he hath also taken me by my neck”

Question: Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
Answer: When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.

Question: Which Bible character had no parents?
Answer: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).

Question: Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
Answer: He only had two worms.